When your child has food allergies, birthday parties are a minefield. Can your child eat anything? Do you send food? How? What if there are no nearby safe bakeries? What if the mom wants to “help” and bring something “safe”.
Sigh
After four years of living like this, I do the following. These are not the only ways to handle the situation, but they have helped me and I hope they help you. So without further ado, here are my tips for managing birthdays.
Make the cupcakes in bulk and freeze them
I just make a dozen hypoallergenic cupcakes and freeze most of them in a large zippered plastic bag. Then when we have a party to attend, I defrost a cupcake and just frost them before I pack them up. Two parties on the same day means I defrost two. The frosting recipe on this site has historically kept for months in the refrigerator (assuming the Earth Balance was not about to expire when I made it), so I can frost it as soon as it thaws. Fortunately for me, my son does not like frosting so my life is easier.
Find out what the host is serving when you accept the invitation
We are very open (obviously) about our food issues, and I have just found it easiest to ask if the hostess is serving pizza and cake. If she is, I prepare a personal sized gluten-free dairy-free pizza (served room temperature) to send with my child. If it is something else then I find a reasonable substitute that is gluten and dairy free so he has his and it looks like what the other kids are eating. I also send his own juice box. Several major brands are gluten-free, but I have been surprised before (how they get gluten into lemonade remains a mystery), so better safe than sorry. If you know the mom well you can ask about the juice box brand in advance and check for the allergens.
If your child is too young to manage the whole process him / herself…stick around
So far, only one mom was ever offended that I wanted to stay and run interference. I started off sticking around because I just did not want to dump a special dietary constraint on the parent who is trying to keep 22 4 year olds under control. I also did not have a child who was mature enough at pizza time to go and find his cooler and take out his treats. I learned that I could often be helpful to the hostess and that my son felt much safer knowing that I had personally blessed the pizza and cupcake in front of him.
If the parents want to include your child, make a strategic decision
My rule of thumb is that if I know the mom well enough to walk her through our issues AND she has a child with a food issue (so she understands cross contamination) then I will let her bring food for my child. Otherwise I blame my own paranoia (which is true) and insist on bringing his food. Other allergy moms know about the vigilant hand washing, dish cleaning and cabinet wiping that is essential to preparing an allergy free meal. Most other people think you are exaggerating.
If your child needs an Epipen, make sure you leave one with your hostess.
I spent the last birthday party carrying an Epipen for one of our guests everywhere. I used to have my own Epipen, which is how you learn that 100 feet away is too far. When children die of allergic reactions it is almost always due to a lack of an Epipen. When I needed an Epipen, I carried it everywhere. Every frat party, every bathroom, every minute.
Plan ahead, send the Epipen.
And that concludes what I have learned over the past four years. I hope this makes your next birthday party a little easier. Parties are meant to be fun, and with a little planning, they still can be. Promise!
