When we first got the diagnosis it was tempting to change everything at once. To eliminate overnight the entire big eight, to immediately get antifungals, to run out and get allergy tested to heal as fast as possible. I will pass on what the nutritionist said to me.

Don’t do it.

She advised me to go home, remove all the gluten and dairy that day but to make a plan for the rest. In her words, just feed him hot dogs and potato chips if you need to. It wasn’t like he was digesting anything anyway. Then remove the big eight except for fish, shellfish and nuts (she told me we would know if he was allergic to those…and he wasn’t) and then get rid of the fungus and then the minor allergens. Gradually add in more nutritious foods.

Otherwise it would have made me crazy.

Now we have a rhythm. After three years it is simply what we do. We did the three rounds of anti-fungals and the sub-lingual vitamins and the supplements for calcium. We lived through the Epsom Salt baths to ensure magnesium for a weak digestive system. We added the zinc whose deficiency that had caused the canker sores and we lived through the year of powdered polyethelyne glycol every day which we purchased in bulk. And we went from therapist to therapist now that we actually saw improvements.

But it took time. In Hollywood a cure may work in a few weeks. In reality it takes a year or more and there is a lot of stumbling along the way. The healing is slow. We rotated these things in. When I got the hang of gluten and dairy and soy we removed sugar and juice and added anti-fungals, then we took out the other common allergens, then added back the ones like eggs that had no impact. We rotated out the other 15 things that the allergist found were his “temporary” allergens. It took time. We finished one therapy and added another.

At times I tried to do too much, which left me crabby and ragged. This was not helpful. As scary and hard as it is on the parents, it is scarier and harder for the child. So eventually I realized that I needed to give myself a break. I too needed a bit of care.

There is always something more we could be doing. There is always another therapy or activity, and to the extent that we can. we fit those in. But we also need to take care of ourselves. We need to make sure our children know that we are happy or at least OK and that we love them and enjoy them and we are not going to have a nervous breakdown and be taken away.

So put on your oxygen mask. Take care of yourself. Take a breath. Have a glass of wine.

Then when you are ready, you can get back in the trenches.